As a brother I am not of a very over protective kind, at least that is what I try to be in front of my sister. I’ve always wanted her to tackle things on her own and I am glad to say that she’s never disappointed me at that. One over protective dad is enough for her, I guess. ;-)
I have always hated going to pick her up from some place or having to drop her to some place, just because she is a girl. However, despite hating it I have always done it considering the dangerous society we live in. Don’t get me wrong, I can do any thing for my sis but doing something for her which she should ideally be able to do on her own, but for the fear of ‘unsafe’ streets of our cities is something that puts me off a great deal. I hate having to live in this society which makes it compulsory for my sis to be dependent on me for even the smallest of the things.
I consider her to be a strong person as well, as she’s never come back to me crying and complaining about some guy or some event. I hope this means that she is capable enough to handling things on her own. So it came to me as a surprise when one fine evening last year she told me about some guy who was following her from the bus stop till the next traffic signal near my house, for past few days.
Having heard any such a thing from her for the first time, I sat straight and started listening with ‘concerned’ written all over my face. So she smiled and said “don’t worry Dada, I have already tackled and settled it.” It made me feel better and also curious, so I asked her to tell me the entire story.
Here is what happened in her own words:
‘There was this guy, perhaps younger than me, who used to be there at the bus stand everyday when I came back from my classes, and then used to follow me from bus stand to the next traffic signal. I always ignored him. Yesterday he gained courage to talk to me and asked me to become his ‘friend’. Even when I did not respond to him, he kept talking to me. I then told him very nicely that I do not make friends with strangers and that I am not interested, but he kept walking by my side and kept trying… then he wrote his phone number on a piece of paper and tried to pass it on to me, saying take my number and call me. By this time I had started to lose it, so I stopped walking, stared at him and shouted, “don’t you understand that I am not interested, you better walk away or I’ll beat the hell out of you and call police.”
To which he apologetically replied “but I am only asking for your friendship, what’s the harm… “
“NO” I interrupted him, this time in a voice even more stern.
“OK. fine.. but why are you shouting?” he said lamely and went away from there… ‘
I felt relieved, and I told my sister to call me up if she sees him again so that I can take care of him. But she smiled and assured me, “Don’t worry Dada, after yesterday’s dose he would not dare to come again”. There was something special about her smile, she was ‘An Action Hero‘.
——–
I am glad that perhaps this chap was a not so threatening guy, who could perhaps also be given a benefit of doubt that he genuinely wanted to be ‘friends‘ with my sister, not realizing that his friendship offer was actually harassing the girl he wanted to be friends with. I hope that this incident made him realize that what he was trying to do was wrong, however noble(?) his intentions might have been.
If you are a guy and reading this, please keep in mind that your behavior towards women which you consider ‘normal’ or ‘fun’, like whistling, winking, singing, touching or trying to be friends is something which harasses them to a great deal. If you need a proof go ask your sister, mother, wife or girl friend, they go through this harassment every single day.
If you are a girl and you never gave it back to the harasser, know that most of the eve-teasers will just step back as soon as you retaliate. If they don’t get it themselves, it’s your job to make them realize that they are wrong. And then (unfortunately so) you’ll also find some criminal minded ones who don’t understand mere words, for such people keep your kicks, punches and pepper sprays ready.
*** This post is a part of Blank Noise Blog-a-thon – Action Hero’s On-line.
March 10, 2007 at 10:53 am |
Hey…on a diff note. Did you get my email? Might be stuck in the spam folder. Pls check.
March 12, 2007 at 8:21 pm |
Fantastic post.
There’s just one part you got wrong: “If they don’t get it themselves, it’s your job to make them realize that they are wrong.” It is never the target’s job to educate the harasser. The harasser is entirely responsible for their own actions.
Your point is great — that speaking up loudly can work — but your phrasing is just another brick in the wall of male privilege. Telling women how it’s their job to educate men who don’t bother to educate themselves is part of the problem, not part of the solution.
I don’t think you meant it that way, so I just thought I’d drop you a heads-up so you could phrase your point better in the future.
Laurie from the USA
March 18, 2007 at 11:43 pm |
Hi
It was an excellent post. We need to talk about this problem more often than we actually do. In fact eve teasers get emboldened due to the timidity of girls. If every girl was as bold as your sister the problem of eve teasing will become far less than it is today.Kudos to your sis!
March 22, 2007 at 3:57 pm |
I am impressed. An elder brother not trying to be protective, excellent! Don’t worry most young girls face this and as your sister did, can handle this on their own. Remember women may be physically not as strong as men but mentally they are much more stronger and make up for their physical weakness.
June 15, 2007 at 1:02 pm |
Visited this post through a link on ‘Blank Noise’. Just can’t explain how much I can relate to this post, specially the first half.
I’ve seen guys who flaunt their ‘manhood’ by abusing gals on the streets or public transport. That’s something really irritates me to the bits. They presume that there will be no opposition or protest. This is reason why such perverts don’t hesitate even in crowded places. Other people don’t retaliate ‘coz “It’s not my problem / business”. The thing that they don’t understand or turn a blind eye to is – tomorrow it can be their sister or friend or girl-friend.
And, I’ve got to say something on Laurie’s comment. These attitude of gals to depend on others, looking for support elsewhere is what’s pulling them down. If some pervert doesn’t back off just by shouting, U MUST hit back to teach him a lesson. Such buggers don’t learn it on their own. Gals must learn to drill it in the head of every looser so that they don’t attempt it again ever.
April 15, 2009 at 6:01 pm |
The style of writing is very familiar . Have you written guest posts for other bloggers?